Four

2021 Excerpts

i cant say im not disappointed, because i am.

but in whatever weird way, i dont find myself hating you over anything, because i get it. i get the feeling of being so consumed with loving someone. knowing that you had a chance with them and you completely blew it. i know how it feels to try and move on and fail miserably because no matter who you kiss, touch, or distract yourself with, all your thoughts comes back to her. i know how it feels to try and make yourself believe that you're better off without, that you can be whole again. that you're doing the right thing because you cant put yourself in a position where you might be hurting them or get hurt again. and i completely know the feeling of finally realising that no matter what you do, you find yourself in your bed alone at 4 in the morning, playing whatever sad playlist you can find and reminisce about the time you had together. i get the feeling of wanting to fight and get her back, and dreaming of being in her arms again.

i completely get the feeling.

because for me, it's always going to be him too.