One

(Inspired by All Too Well 10 Minute Version (Taylors Version) From The Vaults Sad Girl Autumn Version Recorded at Long Pond Studios - Taylor Swift)

I’m tired of feeling this way constantly - the thought of you invading my mind, lurking behind the shadows reminding me of the remnants of you. Excruciating pain wrenches my heart whenever my mind echoes off your lips. The reminder of no matter how happy I am - no matter how wide my smile spreads - nothing can ever match the emotions I feel next to you. Knowing that then wasn’t time and now isn’t time. Not knowing if the future will be kind enough to give a taste of you to me, once again.

Honest to god - if I could let you go, I would have. A million moons ago, to forget how you tasted. To forget the smile lines right by your eyes, the eyes that smiled each second you spend with me. To forget the countless nights we spent laughing about nothing and everything at once. I hate the way I think of you whenever I see the moon shine, whenever I feel the rain drop. I hate that the beauty of nature reminds me of you. The way your beauty shines brightly, making me risk the thousand foot drop of the unknown.

And I fell anyway - knowing the consequences. Climbing towards the never ending wall, slippery with rain and strong winds - pushing me to either climb towards freedom or fall into you all over again. And whenever I get near the parapet, I stop to myself and think whether I want to get free of you. And years later, I don’t know yet. I don’t know if I want to let you go - let your love go. How does 3 months turn into 3 years of torture? How did 3 months turn into excruciating pain of the never knowing, breaking down my facade in mere seconds?

How did 3 months turn into my biggest weakness?

I don’t know why or how or what would make the thought of you go away. I don’t even know if I want to let the thought of you away. So now I can only take one step forward at a time, knowing that you are still lurking in the shadows, waiting for the universe to stop the thought of you from following me or letting us finally meet.

All I could do now is to accept the fact that you and I never have been, and probably never will be. To embrace the unknown and appreciate fate for letting us have a brief moment together. Because I would jump into it all over again, if it meant I would get to know you the way I do now.